This blog may seem confusing to some with all my musings and then food recipes on here. One might think I may have lost my noodle a bit but no I haven’t “officially” lost my noodle, this is just me. I tend to jump from thing to thing, sometimes not finishing one before moving on to the next. So please bear with me, my stories and my love for food because at times they just really do go together.
Food was and always has been my comfort in life, as it is for so many. When I was younger it was my “friend” when times were hard, times that should have never been hard. Unfortunately it may have felt like a band aid over my heart and mind; it disgraced my body to be something of a mockery to others. A mockery that still lives with me to this day. I thought I stood up to that though and changed myself, eating habits, and ways of coping. Sad to say it wasn’t the healthiest ways but please remember I was still a kid, a teenager, and the outside of things mattered more than the inside when you are at that age.
It is so funny to me how I have so many memories of food when I was a child; my favorites, restaurants, snacks, and so on. But during my teen years I have really none. It was my enemy then, I think. I used it for survival and that was it. In fact I do kind of remember having to be reminded to eat by my mother on many occasions. And now really thinking about it I remember it used to make me sick to my stomach for a long time. I was scared to eat for the fear of getting sick in front of my friends, my boyfriend, or even at my job (s). This lasted for quite a few years for me. I guess I do have more memories than I thought, just not ones of fondness apparently. What I find more interesting than all of this is when that all turned around for me.
The turning point I think was marriage and motherhood. Food now became more of a nurturing aspect in my life and with that it became fun again. My trials in the kitchen were enjoyment to me, and seeing the looks on people’s face after they take a bite was a happy fulfillment to me. Even if it wasn’t a hit, those looks were funny! I even used my cooking to my advantage at times! Just ask my husband…lol! (I had to snag him some way!)
I am so glad to have found this pleasure in food again and glad it is a healthy pleasure in my life. It is hard to look back at those times and actually this blog brought back some I must have buried pretty deep inside, but that needed to come back up and dealt with. Thank you to those who were my friends through the hard times and thank you for not trying to bring me down like some just because of the way I may have looked. I do hope that those who chose to do and say those mean things you can see as an adult now maybe there was more to the picture then my chubbiness. I was just a kid trying to cope with things the best that I could. I do forgive though; you were just a child yourself.
XOXO,
Sarah
No comments:
Post a Comment