Thank you everyone for all your praises on this blog! It still is pretty scary for me to open up like this publicly but I am, as I said in the first blog, working on overcoming my insecurities. Isn’t it so funny how life can really put you in a spot? I mean a spot that is so uncomfortable and is the last place you want to be but a place that you NEED to be. The irony of life can be quite comical sometimes huh?
Yesterday we found out about the passing of a parent to someone who is in our lives almost daily. Unfortunately this person has really brought on some very upsetting situations and LOTS of negative energy on my family this past year. Please know that I am not here to name names or bring up private and personal information of others. I am just here to express my thoughts on this situation. With that being said, remember in my last post I stated (even swore!) that I was going to work on my pride getting in the way of certain life situations? Well finding out about this death is really putting this to test!
Here’s a little background on how my pride can at times really run my mind, heart, and soul. Having the amount of pride that I do makes me very protective of my family, even sometimes makes it hard for me to forgive and especially forget. Do you know how much those ill feelings I hold in me really just eat up my soul? But how can I forgive someone who has done and said some really despiteful things to people I love and myself? Hmmm…can you sense my mind and heart’s battle? There have been times I have been told that I just need to swallow my pride for the sake of peace. Okay, for me to swallow this lump of pride it makes me feel like when you are swimming and you accidently swallow a bunch of pool water and it goes down the wrong tube! That instant feeling of no air along with the water burning in your throat and stomach! Man I hate that feeling! BUT… what happens right after you swallow that water? You cough (ok maybe HACK!) a few times, spit some water out, then voila! All better!! No death or trip to the hospital or anything like that right? So maybe I need to take that approach and apply it to my situation.
Losing a parent is a total and utter heartbreaking event in one’s life. I am SO blessed that I have both my parents alive, in my life, and healthy! I just love them so much and can’t even think of the day they are not here. So when I heard of this person’s loss it hit home to me. With all my anger, hurt, frustration, and (yep you know it) my pride I felt towards this person why was I feeling all this sadness for them? Okay well I am human and I am really a kind person who cares about others. So I tried to write it off last night at just that. Why then did I wake up early this morning thinking about this person with worry on how they are feeling? I think my heart was telling my mind something and it was something important…swallow your pride and reach out with an open heart.
And that is exactly what I did. I swallowed my pride. Even though I knew it would hurt for a moment and feel suffocating I just told myself that with a few coughs and hacks I can and will get through it. Obviously I made it and do not deserve any praise for it because that was what had to be done. I can walk away with this life lesson though:
· Sometimes life just doesn’t revolve around me and I may need to swallow that silly pride and reach out with an open, sincere heart. (Wow! What a great lesson I needed to learn!)
My thoughts and prayers are with this person in their time of sorrow and I would like to thank God for my parents, their health, and my time with them. Until next time…
XOXO,
Sarah
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